Friday, March 25, 2011

Lesson #45:Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are, I couldn't help it, It's all your fault

On Sunday morning, I sat facing a large bay window in Ducey's watching snow fall on Bass Lake. Our waiter called it "The Pond" in reference to the dwindled water left over from the dam repairs that were going on just up-river. Boat docks were strewn haphazardly about the shore, waiting forlorn for the return of the deep and the docking of summer boats, disappearing slowly under mounting snow drifts. The snowline on the moutain across the lake lowered with each passing minute -- hour? -- and Hubby, Wife and I sipped champagne and enjoyed a fine brunch.

We were celebrating the one-year anniversary of our wedding and commitment ceremony. Hubby and I have been together for five years now, married for one, friends for more than 20. Wife and I have been friends since high school, and as part of our ceremony last year, promised to stay friends as long as we live.

I don't know if it was the snow, the feeling of being safe and warm while we watched a horrendous winter storm move in, or the fact that I was surrounded by people I love, who love me, but the feeling of grateful joy has lasted well beyond that annivesary celebration, well past the work week, well into the next weekend and it's still going strong.

I am one lucky gal to have so much friendship, to have people with which to share joys and sorrows and struggles and triumphs and life in general. My lake is full.

This is a picture of the proposal at Duceys - don't know how many years ago now.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Lesson #44: What the bleep do we know, really?

Last night I watched the documentary The Quantum Activist about retired University of Oregon physicist Amit Goswami.

 Admittedly I fell asleep before it finished. I've been working 12-hour days, so that's not surprising. And it's also not surprising considering I fell asleep the first time I tried to watch What the Bleep Do We Know.But I perservered and tried it a second time and loved it.

Though I only got halfway through Goswami's doc, I gathered enough information to realize I soon will be picking up one of Dr. Goswami's books. He is a renegade scientist who claims to have found the existence of god in science.

"You can call it God if you want, but you don’t have to," his Web site boasts."Quantum consciousness will do."

This really fascinated me, because while I have been agnostic for years, even going so far as to call myself atheist, I have wondered if quantum science would eventually "crack the god code." I suppose that could be because I was raised on the writings of Mary Baker Eddy, Shirley MacClaine, Ruth Montgomery, Edgar Cayce, and Richard Bach. These authors formed the foundation of my loosely held *spiritual* beliefs, and left in the dark recesses of my mind a nagging feeling that there may be something to the god theory whether I wanted to believe it or not.

As an adult I discovered T.C. Lethbridge, Michio Kaku, and Madam Blavatsky. Interestingly it all fit together. I learned that the '60s mantra that "it's all vibes man" was actually referring to new discoveries in quantum physics. Matter doesn't really exist. It's all particles that agitate each other through attraction and distraction, forming loose associations (waves/vibrations/"vibes man"), that create potential forms that we humans perceive as matter through a process that Goswami can explain far better than I can.

The key word there, though, is potential. As in, possibility. All matter is nothing more than waves of possibility.

That's why creative visualization works -- but only in certain ways (and Goswami has a very complicated but interesting explanation for this).

My fondest childhood memories are of my Great Grandma. I remember driving in her big, white station wagon. She let me sit in the front seat. I could barely see over the dashboard. We would go to the store and before we pulled into the parking lot, Great Grandma would say, "I know there is a parking space waiting for me." And there always was. Right up front near the entrance so Great Grandma didn't have to walk so far with her bad back and all.

She told me she was practicing Creative Visualization, something that was popular in the 1970s thanks in part to Richard Bach's books, Jonathon Livingston Seagull and Illusions. It worked for her.

She was also a Christian Scientist, and she would often recite: "There is no error in divine mind." As a young child I didn't understand what that meant. The only errors I'd ever seen were big red check marks on my schoolwork. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized that negativity, in all of its manifestations, including physical and psychic illness, is error. As a child, I envisioned Divine Mind to be the biggest brain ever made sitting inside the skull of a kindly old gentleman who sat on cloudtops watching the world spin beneath him.

But Divine Mind is simply another word for Goswami's "Quantum Consciousness." It is the split second choice that occurs when agitated molecules group in just such a way as to create something. It is the ability to choose how those molecules group or which direction the waves travel.

All this fascinates me because I have long known I have the ability to manifest dreams and desires in my own life. It's something that takes concentrated effort, and the manifestation of reality is something that involves disassociating myself from the concerns of physical reality (I am not looking for a Porsche, a million dollars or the perfect parking space). I associate with my ego, and the reality of my ego as a state of being, and I look for possibilities and ways to manifest goals and desires in the realm of the ego.

This creative manifestation has resulted in me achieving seemingly impossible career goals (relatively impossible if you look at the childhood I came from), creating a family and a marriage that makes me happy, and smaller things like changing the way I interact with the world or view my place in it.

For example, when I first went to college, I was so shy that my throat would close up if I tried to talk to strangers in the hallways. My face would grow red. I'd hide my embarrassment beneath long, unkempt hair and glare at people to keep from having to engage in conversation. I hated my shyness. So I envisioned what I wanted to be: a confident woman capable of striking up interesting conversations with complete strangers in any situation. Then I looked for examples of this state of being, and found them in the field of journalism. Watch Christiane Amanpour do her thing on CNN. That's what I'm talking about. I envisioned myself with such confidence, such poise, such ability. It took months and years of faking it until the mask started to fit.

Now I can hardly remember my former self.

It might sound crazy, but the example I just gave is not just mind-over-matter; it's not just me breaking out of my shell. I believe that it was a physical rearrangeing of key molecules that make up my ego, my self. I recreated myself by forcing those molecules to interact with each other in new -- potential, possible, creative -- ways.

And I believe Goswami when he says he has found god. Because if he did, then Great Grandma was right, there is no error in divine mind, and the future is limitless.

Who doesn't want to believe that?